In Deep Thought

Its been a while.....and a lot has happened yet not so much has happened! I have had way to many things to think about and it was exhausting so I didn't. I kept pushing them farther and farther away. I guess I realized that I do that a lot. Everything in MY life is last minute. I will do anything for anyone above me and I love doing that. I would rather help someone else out than have to deal with me.

I was watching a movie today and I realized something. I have to be someone myself before I can be anything to someone else. I have been struggling for years trying to find out who I really am. I think about it all the time but again its one of those things that is just to stressful to think about so I push it off over and over again and guess what........it just keep popping up. Sure I have plenty of time to think about it but I just can't get myself to focus on that. I just come up with something else to do. I am the Queen of Procrastination, its true I even have a crown.

I find myself living in movies, books, and other people lives. Every time I watch a new movie I just think to myself, now thats what I want in my future. Now obviously a sane person would realize that what I want changes with every movie so how could I actually think that is what I want. Well the truth is I would love to be put in a temp agency of life. Someone could just pick me up and drop me off somewhere and I would have to adapt and learn a new style of living. Then after awhile I get put somewhere else and would get to learn how they live and eventually I will have experienced all the types that are in the movies/books and then I would get to choose what I really want. I have seriously gave this some thought, maybe I should back pack around the world.....or at least the states. (lets face it....i don't have the balls for that )

Now the next thought...well my friends found out about this boy and well I haven't written about him cause I didn't know what it was and to tell you the truth I still don't. I met this boy like 3 weeks ago and he asked for my number. Now I was soo excited because it was the first time a guy has ever really asked for my number. We ended up texting for like 2 hours that night and like 3 hours the next night. This boy can flirt, I mean he is really good at it.....and well, I have to admit I had fun flirting too. We have gone to dinner twice and watched a movie in my room twice. There has been some cuddling and holding hands but I still don't know whats going on. When i think about it, do i just like him cause he likes me or is it because i actually like him. We have a lot of things in common and i feels natural when we hang out. But do I get butterflies because I'm with him or is it because I'm with a guy!

I don't need a man but I do long to in a relationship one day, soon I hope but its like I said before. I have to be something to myself before I can me something to someone else. I'm such a romantic and I stick to that. I told this guy straight up that I don't make to first move. If a guy likes me he should let me know. He said I was playing hard to get, well if that is what hard to get is then call me hard to get. I am a prize to be won, not to be given away!!!

I have also been struggling lately with my image. I was doing really well last year but this summer and since I have gotten to college its really taken a toll on me. Its all about convenience here and that happens to be a lot of snack food and pizza. I am really surprised that I haven't turned into a pizza yet. I work out every once in a while but my schedule is so crazy and all over the place that i haven't been able to get on track with it. I work way better under a set schedule and that is going to be my next step. I can't feel comfortable doing things until i feel comfortable with myself and that is going to take a while. How are others suppose to accept me if I can't even do it. I have been struggling with weight for probably the last ten years and its no fun. You have no idea how many nights and days I have gone through wishing and praying that I would have another body. I wasn't meant to look like this but I just can't get myself to do something about it. I just keep putting it off.

These are my thoughts and they are precious to me......so don't abuse them!!!

-Jess

All Smiles

I have had a really good day but I don't want to get ahead of myself so I'll update you all later!!

Missing......

So this weekend I got to go home for the first time since I have moved into college. I was sooo excited to go home but it was soo short. I didn't get home on Friday till late so I got home and went to bed a lot faster than I thought I would. Saturday also went by fast. I went to Uno's with my mom and we had a very HOT waiter. Needless to say me and my mom were wearing matching Whitewater sweatshirts too. We then stopped over to the house where my sister was babysitting to chill with them for a bit. Those kids are a blast! My night I spent with BROOKE and had a lot of fun. Its been awhile since we hung out but I'm glad we had the chance. We went shopping (I spent way to much this weekend), got ice cream, and then came back to my house to watch a movie. It was a pretty chill weekend but busy chill.

The grand opening of the new addition to our church Crossway was today. Its actually pretty nice but to much change for me in one day.

I wish I would have had more time to hang out with my mom and grandma though so next visit I'll have to do that.

I got back to campus around 8 then set up the lights I bought for our room and put the candy out that I bought. I also unpacked to rest of the stuff I bought this weekend.

There was a lot of homework (reading) that I was suppose to do but of coarse I didn't do any of it. So I got on spark notes tonight and read about 140 pages worth of book reading in about 10 minutes (it would probably taken me about 5 hours at least, I'm a slow reader). I am about to go downstairs to take a quiz on the reading so hopefully the spark notes helped me out at least a bit and I get some credit.

Oh and while writing this I was watching the Princess Diaries.....its been a while and I forgot how much I liked it. I thought you guys might want to know that random fact.

Good night everyone.....I have work to finish and some sleeping to do!!!

Love

Jessica

Busy Day!

So to state things out when my alarm woke me up this morning it took me a good half hour to actually get myself out of bed. So that led to a lazy day and a look bad day.

My first class was at 8:50 and it was English. I mean English isn't my favorite subject in the world but I don't ever recall hating it but right now I'm headed that way. My English professor expects us to already have this abundant of knowledge on every subject. We have two quizzes a week in that class and I have yet to get a 100. One quiz is always on the reading and the other is on the lecture. Reading quizzes are usually to see if you read what you were suppose to and surprisingly I am. But the questions he puts on the quiz have to do with math, geology, science, and every other subject. I mean today there was a question on the location of the story. All we know is it was in the Yukon and it was cloudy/dark during the day. So from that we are suppose to know that the sun didn't rise of there at this time so it must be south of the artic circle. I mean who knows this stuff. He is really pissing me off with all of these questions, not to mention he just gave me a C on the paper I wrote for him :(

My classes did end until 3:30 and then I went to get my CHAIR. I went last week to pick it up but it didn't fit in the car we brought so I had to leave it there. It took me a week but I finally found someone with a big enough car and we went today to go get it. I so wished my camera wouldn't of died before this happened cause some pretty hilarious stuff happened. With the box my chair came in we hid inside of it and took turns pushing each other down the hall and Brittany even went down the stairs (don't worry she didn't get hurt). That box was probably the most fun we had in a while. Total Youtube material.

Speaking of youtube I finished filming and editing my Wednesday episode so you should go check it out at TheBlondeSisters3! I will post a vlog on my other channel here soon.

So after we got the chair in the room I had to go to NHVP which stands for Nursing Home Visitation Program. I am sure you can guess what we do there. It helps towards my volunteer hours for graduation and it is extra credit for my Individual and Society Class. Going there by myself was of coarse awkward for me but I will hopefully meet some people and gain some new friends in the process.

I got back from that around 8 and me and room mate Alyssa decided to rearange our room since we got a new addition (my chair). Our beds were originally bunked so we took my bed off of hers with some help with from 3 guys upstairs and then they left. The rest Alyssa and I did all by ourselves. We put together the loft. Disassembled my bed to put it on the loft and it all sounds pretty easy but if you could of seen us do it, man it was a site! We had people stop in the hallway just to watch. It looked like move in day all over again. A girl came by and asked us if one of us was moving out. We then went and got Late night cause I skipped dinner and I was starving.

There was of cause some other things mixed in but you don't need to know every second of my life. Like I said I would post pictures or videos up too but my camera died :(

Right now I am about to sign off then crawl into bed and watch the Christmas Card and fall asleep to wake up with no alarm since I have no class on Thursday!!

Love always

Jessica

Last night I went to a Habitat for Humanity meeting on campus. No one I knew wanted to go so I had to go by myself. Therefor there is another thing that I did that I'm not used to doing. I have always had someone to go with me places and if I didn't then I usually didn't go.

Which brings me to my next point. My dad made a comment saying that me and my sister should of went to the same college and my viewpoint is that he is wrong. Would it be nice to go to the same school and have someone to do something with at all times, yes it would but thats not what the whole college experience is about. Isn't he suppose to say that its time you guys spent some time apart, college is the time to get out of your comfort zone, make new friends, and have new experiences. Not stay with you sister forever and always have that security. But trust me at times that would be nice but I keep think, its only the third week, you'll make new friends.

Sooooo today I woke up when I got out of bed I realized that I was in a lot of pain. Yep, I was super sore from my work out yesterday. Not only did my abs hurt but my legs did to and not mention I must have done something wrong because my neck is super sore to, like it hurts to move it. Hopefully I'm not as sore tomorrow!

I tried filming my youtube video today but it was hard because my room mate normally has night classes on tuesday but tonight it was canceled so I was rushed when I found out that the only time I would have was when she went to dinner, which she invited me too but I turned her down because I wanted to room. I think that I am going to have to re film it anyway but I will probably still be rushed since she is always in the room and It has to go up tomorrow. If you didn't know my two sisters and I have a youtube channel called Theblondesisters3 that we all upload on to. Jenny has Mondays, I have Wednesdays, and Kayla has Friday.

Well I have a few more things to do tonight before I can hit the hey but I hope you enjoyed the update

Jessica

Okay so I know its late....well for me it is, but I wanted to get a quick update in. I'm really trying to post on this as much as possible.

As far as today it was pretty boring. I had my normal 4 classes which are boring and mostly still review.

After all my classes were over I went to something our campus offers for free. They offer these quick 15 minute fitness classes for free. So my room mate, her friend, and I all went to core complete which is an ab workout. Okay so I do ab workouts by myself, I'll be good. Well boy was I wrong, this lady was crazy. My abs were burning by the end of the class and I couldn't even do it all. Some of the moves were to advanced for me. After that I went to the gym and did a quick 30 minute work out. I wasn't worried when I came to school about gaining weight cause there is a ton of walking but I am feeling it soo I'm going to have to step up my workouts cause my goal was to lose the freshman 15.

I watched GHOST WHISPERER again. I love that show. I wish it was on the instant on Netflix because I got that again.

Well I am getting really tired and I am planning on getting up early so I will give you more of the 411 with me tomorrow.

Love always,

Jess

Weekend review

Okay so I think that we can come to the conclusion that I am a bad blogger. When I have nothing to say I have time to blog and when I have a ton of time to blog I'm not in the mood or I don't have time.

So we all know that college is a time for experimenting and I can finally say that I'm working towards it. Here on campus there is a thing called Thirsty Thursday. Now I assume you know what that is but for those of you that don't, thursday night is the big party night on campus. A lot of drinking going on. Don't freak out yet, remember I'm taking baby steps. A few of us went into another's room and we played waterfall. This is a drinking game with cards and it is really fun but of coarse I played with Mt. Dew. Its a good thing too cause otherwise I would have been toasted real fast. It was a lot of fun and I'm glad I went to it when I was invited.

Weekend's on campus are not that exciting. Most of the people who attend Whitewater live within 30 miles of it so they go home every weekend which leaves campus really empty, quiet, and with nothing to do.

This weekend I found some things to do though. On friday I worked out with some friends and then we walked around campus which brought us to a park. We found some fun swings there and had a lot of fun. Then later I ordered some toppers and had a movie night with Shelby, we watched 27 dresses and then the series finale of Golden Girls just happened to be on when we turned the movie off. On Saturday I did nothing really, I helped my neighbors get ready for there girls night but then retreated back to my room to watch hallmark movies the rest of the night. Of coarse I had homework I could be working on but I stayed clear of that.

Today though I woke up at 10:51 and I was sooo happy because on the weekends I usually have to force myself to sleep in. It also helped that I was enjoying my dream a little too :) Then I took a shower and got ready for the day. Then again instead of doing my homework I watched Ever After, which is such a good movie. Then I went to see EASY A with some girls and it was actually really good. But of coarse since it is sunday night and I have 4 classes tomorrow I had to seclude myself to the basement to finish all my homework. I wrote my first english paper and it was suppose to be between 500-600 words and it turned out to be exactly 600 words. Now lets hope I did a good job. I also had to read a short story and take a quiz on it. I alway find the quiz on the reading pretty easy but he throws some trick questions in there which requires research and prior knowledge and it bugs me. So far i have gotten two 80s and two 90s on these quizzes. But i don't really find these fair because the quiz is to make sure you read and obviously I read but I don't get full credit because I concluded something different than the professor. Oh well there's not much I can do about that. I did some other homework and then I watched another halmark movie while keeping in touch with my neighbors boy problems and for her, her problems are that right now 4 guys like her. It must be sooo tough!!

Speaking of guys that is one thing I can hardly wait for. Its been 18 years and I have yet to have a guy like me. This makes me feel pathetic, but to be honest there has only been one real guy that I have ever really liked and that has passed. So that is what my goal is this semester, meet a guy! Not necessarily start dating him but hang out with him and at least be friends. I need guys in my life, I don't do well with girls 24/7 very well and for those of you that know me they can testify that I need my alone time.

Another thing I need to work on is reading the bible and getting closer to God again. To be honest I haven't opened up my Bible since my youth group ended in May. Thats something I can tell is missing in my life and I know if I start doing that again some things will start to work themselves out.

I GET TO GO HOME THIS WEEKEND!!! It will be my first weekend home since I left for college and I'm excited. It will get me a chance to get some things I forgot, sleep in my own full sized bed again, and do what I miss the most which is drive. I miss having the freedom to drive. It drives me nuts when I am at a place for a long amount of time and have no way of getting anywhere. Being on campus without a car makes me feel stranded. My van is my security blanket and I enjoy having it.

Well I think I have written enough for one night but I will try to write more often that way my blogs can be more like updates instead of novels!!

Love

Jess